


Air Voltron™

by vangoghingtohell



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AU, Airline AU, Crack, M/M, Modern AU, Voltron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:19:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21830614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vangoghingtohell/pseuds/vangoghingtohell
Summary: Modern AU where the Voltron crew are in charge of Air Voltron™ flight-something-or-other to Olkarion. But also hopelessly incompetent at it.Sprinkled with various selections of memery, and prompt based idiocy, and drunk Coran.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Kudos: 21





	Air Voltron™

_Air Voltron_ _™_

_The universal airline operating out of Altea International Airport. Over 187 destinations worldwide. Comfort, class, and competence. Come fly with us today._

“Hey Hunk!” Pidge shrieked through the organised chaos of the parking tarmac. “Look at that sign!” Hunk looked in the direction she was pointing. “Road works ahead…?”   
“Uhhhh yeah I sure hope it does.”  
 _“What?”  
_ Pidge was already scurrying away giggling to herself. She vanished into the terminal building, Hunk on her heels. The two ditched their fluorescent jackets at the staffroom and ran upstairs, the Air Voltron™ logo plastered across the chests of their yellow and green jumpsuits.

Behind them the plane was now being readied for its journey. _Air Voltron_ _™_ planes had an eccentric appearance, with a black cockpit and streaks of blue, red, green, and yellow along the side. The words _Air Voltron_ _™_ were emblazoned across both sides, and a large “V” logo adorned the tail.

Upstairs was utter chaos. “So much for comfort, class and competence,” Pidge muttered as she and Hunk pushed their way through the mess of passengers and crew toward the head flight attendant and gate manager, Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe (he had four name tags awkwardly pinned atop one another on his uniform). Coran looked extremely flustered. A ‘technical issue’ had caused a delay and people were not happy. He looked extremely excited to see them. “Tell me it’s good news,” he sighed. Pidge’s expression darkened. “An engine fell off.” Coran gawked at them. Then the angry crowd of waiting passengers. Then at the gate camera feed on one of his monitors. Then back at Pidge.

“I’m counting four engines. That’s how many a 747 is supposed to have.”  
“Am I the engineer or are you?” Pidge asked pointedly. She drew a toy 747 out of her pocket, and then a tiny engine. “Like I said, we lost an engine.” Before Coran could jump over the counter and suffocate her with his moustache, Hunk stepped in between them.  
“The plane is good to go. C’mon Pidge.”

Leaving Coran behind to wrangle his passengers and crew, the two boarded the aircraft. As they turned the corner they saw the pilots standing in the doorway. “Well, Shiro, if you hadn’t dared me to flip the switch maybe we would be in the air by now.”  
“I didn’t realise you were actually gonna do it!” protested Shiro.   
“Hey guys, we fixed the leak and the tanks are full we’re good to go. Also, heads up, you’ve got a planeload of passengers about to board and I don’t think you want them to know that there wasn’t really a ‘technical issue.’” Hunk looked at them pointedly. “It’s not my fault he’s six years old!” Allura huffed, before following Shiro upstairs to the cockpit.

Pidge looked at Hunk and sighed. “I won’t be surprised if we never make it off the ground.”

\--

“I can flirt!” Keith was indignant. Lance stared at him, arms crossed, and burst out laughing. “The last time you talked to a passenger was because you spilled piping hot coffee on him.”   
“Yeah, because there was turbulence!”   
“Oh, sure,” giggled Lance.

 _“We’re boarding now. Best behaviour until we shut the doors and they can’t escape.”_ Shiro’s voice crackled over the intercom.

Lance grinned at Keith, straightened his sleeves and ran up to the first and business class doorway before could say anything in his defence.

Keith waited at his door for the Premium and regular Economy passengers, as the rest of the crew busied themselves with securing things in the galleys or standing in place to help people with the overhead compartments.

Eventually, every passenger had found their seats, and luggage was safely stowed in the overhead compartments, or below the seat in front of you. Lifejackets can be found underneath your seat, or stowed in your armrest. For smaller children, please see your flight attendant for an infant lifejacket. Please take note of the location of your nearest exit, which could be behind yo-   
Keith and Lance buckled in next to each to each other in the main galley, across from Hunk, who was going to be swapping shifts as flight engineer with Pidge (she was in the cockpit). Lance picked up the phone. “Hey guys, the cabin is secure, we’ve done our checks. We’re good to go on this side.”

Seconds later the intercom crackled to life. _“We’d like to welcome all passengers aboard today’s_ _Air Voltron_ _™ flight to Olkarion. This is your captain Allura speaking, here with co-pilot Takashi Shirogane. We have clear skies today, and we expect to take one more hour than normal to reach Olkarion due to heavy headwinds. Sit back and relax, and enjoy the next 13 hours. The safety video will begin shortly. Thank you for choosing_ _Air Voltron_ _™. Flight attendants please begin safety demonstrations.”_

Lance and Keith had not been chosen by Coran for safety demonstrations on this particular flight, so they remained where they were as the engines rumbled to life. They taxied slowly around the airport, and just as the engines began to spool up, Pidge spoke: “Hey guys,”  
“Yeah?”  
“Why the fuck did she _™_ out loud?”

Any answer was buried under the drone of the engines as the ground fell away beneath them.

\--

“LET mE OUT WHY THE FUCK AM I LOCKED IN HERE!” Lance screamed from inside the first-class bathroom. Keith leaned harder on the door as Lance pushed. “No, Lance, you ate all my thin mints. Why would you do that?! Why would you eat all my thin mints?!”  
“I wanted to annoy you because I love y- I love thin mints!”

Just then, the intercom crackled to life again. _“We have now reached cruising altitude. Passengers are free to move about the cabin. Also, ladies and gentlemen, Mr Shirogane here just bet I couldn’t do a barrel roll in this aircraft so I’m about the shut him up real quick. Flight attendants, secure your trolleys and yourselves.”_ In the background, Shiro could be heard, apparently hyperventilating while Pidge giggled.

The seatbelt sign pinged on and Keith jumped away from the door like it had burnt him, rushing to his jump-seat in the galley. Lane barrelled unceremoniously out of the bathroom, shouting after him: “I’ll get you, Kogane!” He ran to a nearby empty seat and buckled himself in as the plane began to turn.

They lurched and levelled out almost immediately and Pidge’s voice came from the intercom. _“We’re sorry about that everyone. Our pilots got a bit carried away, but I arrested and set the bank angle and corrected the average rpm and heading to compensate for the inertial destabilisation caused by the unscheduled shift in heading and altitude attitude indication­-”_ There was a brief interruption in the form of Shiro shouting at Allura in the background – _“so, uh, anyway, we’re good. Uh… comfort class and competence signing off overandoutbye!”_

The three in the galley breathed a sigh of relief. Hunk had been clutching the side of his seat so hard his knuckles had turned white. Coran burst into the galley. “You two!” He cried, pointing at ~~Klance~~ Keith and Lance. “It’s almost time for the first-class lunch service and nothing is ready! Everyone else is busy, so hurry up and come upstairs!”

Keith stood as Coran’s coat-tails vanished behind the galley curtain. The plane went over some turbulence as he pulled the curtain aside, the whine of the engines increasing in pitch as Allura angled them upwards to steer them out as quickly as possible. Ahead of the galley, a steward was serving a passenger and had forgotten to put the brakes on their trolley, and it began rolling backwards. Keith stepped back, gesturing for Lance to go first.

Lance smirked at him, stepped forward, and immediately jumped backwards as the trolley whizzed by, slamming into an empty seat, glass shattering and liquid sloshing inside as bottles of Dom Perignon and Veuve Clicquot and fine liquors and about a thousand other selections of expensive alcohol met their untimely end. “Sorry!” cried the steward.

Keith had caught Lance in his arms.

“Keith! What was that?!”  
“Nothing. I was being polite,” he replied, feigning ignorance.  
“Oh, sure you were! But, uh, thanks for catching me.” Lance grinned up at Keith.  
“Uhhh… Compliments of Air Voltron™?”

Coran burst in: “GUYS! I leave you alone for one minute and come back to find you cradling each other in your arms!”  
Keith spluttered incoherently, face as red as his uniform. “We weren’t… It wasn’t… Well… It was nothing, Lance just fell… and… uh,”  
“Oh c’mon, Keith! We had a bonding moment!”  
“Nope. Nothing. Nada. Nyet.”  
“I don’t care what that was, we need to set up upstairs. We have a reputation to maintain! I do not want Zarkon Corps Airlines beating us in this year’s airline awards!”

The two followed him out this time, Lance sulking and Keith still red af.

\--

_“Staff announcement, could relief flight engineer Hunk please make his way up to the bridge to begin his shift.”_

On the way through first class, he was interrupted by a rather shady looking man dressed in Armani. A silver wristwatch flashed in the mood lighting that made his pale skin look almost purple. The glint of the entertainment screen reflecting in his eyes made them look a piercing yellow, and he had long, silvery hair.

“Could you get me a glass of water, monsieur?  
“Um… I don’t actually work here but sure.

He rummaged around in the galley, and found a bottle, bringing the glass to the passenger.

“This water tastes funny, can I have another?”  
“Sure!”

Three glasses later, Hunk was a little confused.  
Five glasses later, he was bothered.  
Eight glasses later, he was outright annoyed.

“This one tastes funny too. I demand you do something about it, or my father will hear about it!” The man handed the glass to Hunk again.  
“Yeah, sure.” He downed the glass, swished it in his mouth, spat it back into the glass, and handed it to the man, who looked absolutely mortified. “That oughta do it!” Hunk said cheerily. “Do you know who my father is?!”   
“Should I care?”  
“I am the heir to Zarkon Corps and I will see you lose your job for this!”  
“Like I said sweatie, I don’t work here.” Hunk tipped the glass into the man’s lap, and stalked up the aisle, chuckling quietly to himself.

\--

Turbulence was normal for air crews. It wasn’t really a bother, unless you were trying to wait on tables of hungry first-class passengers, juggling silverware, crystalware, and trolleys and plates of lavish food. Then it was an absolute nightmare for everyone except Head Steward Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe.

He was jumping and swaying, trays laden with crystalware and fine foods. Lance was struggling a little, but he was starting to get the hang of it, having been promoted to first-class steward a few months ago. Keith, on the other hand, had recently been promoted to head of economy, and setting lavish tables and ten spoons exactly sixty millimetres from the edge of the table was not something he was required to do often. At least two plates’ worth of shattered china had been deposited in the bins in the upstairs galley.

An unexpected lurch and a tray laden with gravy boats fell to the floor. Lance leapt in shock as Keith went red for the seventh time in as many minutes, narrowly managing to keep his grip on the champagne flutes he had been about to set down.

“ _Attention, first and business class passengers. The luncheon service will soon begin in the upstairs dining room. Please feel free to begin ordering or make your way upstairs for the Michelin buffet. Premium and Economy passengers, the lunch service will begin now. Your attendants will outline your meal choices. Premium passengers have access to the buffet cart from now until the end of the lunch service. Please ask your stewards for more information.”_

“Oh no, they’ll be coming upstairs soon and we’re not ready!”  
“What do you mean we’re not ready?! What more do we need to do?!” Keith was confused, still kneeling, futilely attempting to clean up the shattered gravy boats. Coran swung by with a broom and easily swept them up before dancing across the room, and picking up a tray laden with bowls of caviar.

The plane lurched and swayed suddenly, Keith falling over again halfway through getting up and Lance clutching a table.

“Wow, Coran, you’re so good at this!”   
“Yes, Lance, my boy, I’ve seen all twelve episodes of Yuri!!! on ICE in English _and_ Japanese!

_“Attention first, business, and premium passengers. Due to some unexpected turbulence, the luncheon and buffet services may be temporarily delayed for your own and staff safety. Thank you for understanding.”_

Coran sighed, popped open a bottle of Dom (the cork shot straight across the dining room, shattering a champagne flute on the table, and bounced off straight into Keith’s nose), and chugged the entire bottle without blinking an eye.

\--

Pidge bent down between Shiro and Allura to tell them she was leaving as Hunk was on his way up. “Now, don’t you two go fighting over the controls again. This plane isn’t equipped to float – actually, if I remember correctly, the last one wasn’t either – anyway, you get the gist, don’t kill us all this time.”

“Um… thank you for that, Pidge,” Allura replied.  
“uhhh guys?” Hunk’s voice cut through the drone of the engines. “The intercom was on the whole time. Keith snapped at me because now there’s a passenger having a panic attack in coach.”  
Pidge vanished in -3 seconds and the door slammed shut. Shiro flipped off the intercom (in both senses of the phrase). Hunk settled into his seat. “Sorry I’m late, by the way. A difficult passenger.” He jumped when he saw Shiro (Hunk was the new member of the crew of _Air Voltron_ _™’s_ flagship craft, and had never flown with either Shiro or Allura before). “Uh, captain Shirogane?” Shiro turned in his seat, but Allura cut him off. “I’m the captain of this aircraft, but go off I guess.”  
“I’m a huge fan of you guys!! Can I have an autograph and some words of wisdom?” Shiro opened his mouth, but Allura cut him off again. “Sure!” She scribbled it onto a notepad that Hunk handed her, then passed it to Shiro, who did the same.

“So, what are you gonna say? Live your dreams? No, no, I got it- work hard and be the best you can be-”  
“That’s what I’d say,” interjected Allura.  
Shiro looked Hunk in the eyes, with a completely straight face, turning on the intercom as he did. “the FitnessGram™ pacer test-”

\--

Keith rolled the buffet cart through the premium aisle and came to a set of two seats that had been empty when the plane took off. Now, a woman in an (extremely. Like, imagine the limits of a hat’s brim size before it loses structural integrity, and multiply by 36.72) wide brimmed hat and large sunglasses sat there, wrapped in an _Air Voltron_ _™_ blanket.

“And for lunch ma’am, would you like the chicken, the beef, the vegetarian, or a selection from the buffet?”  
“Got any vodka?”  
“Miss Holt, your disguise is terrible and you are five foot.”  
“Five foot a _bitch._ ”  
“…”  
“I was trying to be cool but I just roasted myself.”  
“Anyhoo, you are not getting anything even remotely alcoholic. I know how you get when we’re off the clock, Miss Holt.”  
Pidge reached for the cart, her arms falling short from her position in the window seat.

“You’re like a T-rex, Miss Holt.”  
“Ferocious?”  
“Short arms.”  
“-__-”

Keith laughed and pushed the cart forward.

“How the fuck did she say “-__-” out loud?” wondered Lance, wheeling the beverage trolley behind Keith.

\--

“Hey there, handsome.”

Keith turned his head, blushing a little. “Me?”  
Lance turned away from the galley’s foldout mirror: “Uhhhh… this is awkward.”  
Keith snorted, slightly annoyed. “I cradled you in my arms!”  
“Nope, don’t remember that. WHen? WhoMST?!”

Keith turned around and stalked off, muttering about a passenger calling. Coran walked in from first-class. “Lance, my boy, you are definitely something.”  
“Something? What kind of something?”  
“An oblivious idiot, apparently.” Pidge poked her head round the curtain.  
“No-one asked for your opinion, Pidge.” Lance huffed.  
Coran chuckled, picking up another bottle of Dom. Lance ducked this time, narrowly avoiding the cork of death. It clanged off a cupboard and sailed over Pidge to hit the strange passenger Hunk had been dealing with earlier (no doubt on his way to complain to Coran).

“Hah!” Hunk doubled over with laughter – from his perspective in the front row of premium, all he had seen was a cork shoot from behind a curtain, and the man crumple to the ground in the aisle, in annoyed pain.

Walking further down the plane, Coran finished the bottle and threw it aside, where it shattered on the side of a first-class chair, wetting it with champagne and staining the Armani blazer draped across it.

The shady man limped back to his seat. A string of curse words rang out across the otherwise silent cabin as he saw the damp spot, before a rather short lady in a wide brimmed ( _extremely_ wide brimmed) hat and sunglasses – wrapped in an _Air Voltron_ _™_ blanket – shawl style – told him off for using such “vulgar” and “unladylike” language in first-class, and slapped him around the cheek.

Pidge chuckled as she returned to Hunk. “Who would’ve thought the heir to Zarkon Corps Airlines would’ve dared to fly with _Air Voltron_ _™?_ ”  
Hunk laughed. “You know what we say – comfort, class and competence.”

\--

Back in the main galley, Lance was alone. Keith was down in the rear galley, securing the beverage carts, and Coran was upstairs, slightly drunk, serving the few first-class stragglers in the dining room. A flash of his reflection in the metal trimming of the countertop caught his eye.

“Well hello there, handsome. ;)” He flashed a pair of finger guns at the reflection. Just then, the curtain rustled and Keith walked in. “Who, me?” He blushed again (it was like he was going for a world record). Lance spun around, finger guns falling limply to his sides.

“Well. This is an awkward situation.”

Keith wrung his hands and made to turn away. “Uh, nevermind.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

Lance grabbed Keith by the back of the head and kissed him. “Um heads up Coran is on the way down and he looks like he’s about to fall over I don’t think he wants to see you guys doing that in the galley.”

 ~~Klance~~ Keith and Lance pulled apart immediately, Lance somehow blushing redder than Keith had been a moment ago.

“Also. Yuck!” Pidge pulled a face and vanished behind the curtain again.

\--

Thankfully, the rest of the flight passed without many events (except for Coran, downing at least two more bottles of Dom. Also, the sleep-addled passenger who tried opening the door mid-flight, and a few more lurches of turbulence that resulted in thousands of dollars of expensive liquor being spilt onto floors, seats, and legs).

Soon enough, as the sun edged towards the horizon, the coast of Olkarion came into view.

_“Passengers, we are beginning our descent into Olkarion. Please return to your seats as soon as possible and fasten your seatbelts. We are expected to encounter some relatively mild turbulence as we make our way down. Flight attendants, prepare the cabin for landing.”_

Coran staggered round the cabin, still somehow not drunk enough to lose is inhibitions. ~~Klance~~ Keith and Lance were nowhere to be seen. The other attendants busied themselves with the ‘crotch walk’ (making sure everyone had their seatbelts on), or vanished into the galleys to secure trolleys and latch cupboards. Seats were returned to their upright position, tray tables were securely latched, and a general air of excitement filled the cabin, as few hundred people waited eagerly for a chance to stretch their legs after thirteen hours on board.

Then, a few things happened at once. The plane gave a jumping lurch, dropping at least a few hundred feet. A trolley being returned by an unwitting hostess made an escape, shooting upwards and down the aisle. It would’ve hit Coran, but he was busy being thrown across a row of shocked-looking coach passengers. A first-class lavatory door swung open and Klance fell out, slamming into a wall, hair tousled, shirts untucked, blushing even more profusely than either had been previously throughout the flight.

Absolute chaos reigned for a few minutes before the attendants who weren’t off their heads or debauching one another in a coach class bathroom managed to wrangle everything, eventually belting themselves into their jump seats and cowering with everyone else (but not obviously, because flight attendants show no fear. Ever. On pain of death, and their jobs.).

The intercom crackled to life and a soft singing filled the cabin. Allura’s voice was beautiful and sweet, and she sang what sounded like lullabies in the native Altean language. Shiro had flipped on the intercom without her knowing and slowly the cabin calmed down and the even the turbulence seemed the vanish, as if the sky itself was being calmed by her soothing voice.

She sang for almost ten minutes, before the intercom crackled off suddenly. The ground was nearing them, and Pidge peered through the window, scowling at the Olkarian landscape like she was ready to fight it.

The plane slammed into the ground harder than expected, the engines screaming and whining louder as Shiro fired up the reverse thrusters and the plane turned onto a taxiway. The cabin rattled and shook, the roaring filling everyone’s ears, drowning out any other possible sounds.

_“Welcome to Olkarion, passengers. We’ve arrived around about the second sunset, and those on the left side may be able to catch a glimpse of it. We will be reaching the terminal shortly. Please do not stand up or move about the cabin until the seatbelt sign is turned off. Flight attendants please prepare the cabin for disembarkation.”_

Naturally, every _single_ passenger stood up almost immediately.

Slowly, the plane made its way across the tarmac. From out of the windows, several other aircraft could be seen. A roaring filled the cabin again as one took off on the runway they had just cleared. Olkarion’s hi-tech terminal building slowly came into view through the foggy haze of the setting sun. The plane drew closer and closer, and Pidge jumped out of her seat and ran forwards toward the cockpit, eager to get Hunk and be the first out of the plane.

\--

_“We would like to thank you for choosing_ _Air Voltron_ _™ for your travels. Passengers, you are now free to move about the cabin. For those of you on connecting flights, please follow the signage and turn left at the end of the gate. To all passengers, especially those whose journey with us ends today, we hope to see you flying with_ _Air Voltron_ _™ once more. Flight attendants, you are clear to disarm the doors and begin the offloading process.”_

The cabin was abuzz with activity, as the overhead lockers were thrown open, and bags were brought to the floor. Queues formed in the aisles. Coran was nowhere to be found, so Lance found himself standing at the first-class door, bidding each passenger goodbye. Keith waved off the passengers at the door to his section.

Pidge had entered the cockpit earlier, and her dreams of an early departure had been dashed. “Pidge, you know we have to go through the proper shutdown procedures,” Hunk sighed at her. She stood in the doorway, literal steam rising above her forehead (a flight attendant was returning a trolley full of hot towels that they’d just collected in the corridor behind her).

Eventually, the plane was empty. The entire crew stood in the upstairs dining room, waiting for a debrief from the pilots and their Head Steward. Eventually, the cockpit door opened and the four occupants emerged.

“Where is Coran?” asked Allura.  
“Last I saw, knocked across a row of coach passengers,” replied Lance.   
“He _did_ down like probably half of first-class’s Dom Perignon supply,” added Keith.   
“And you shattered the other half,” chortled Lance.  
“I’ll find him. Shiro, you can carry out the meeting.”

She promptly vanished down the stairs.

In the central galley, a trolley was oddly not strapped into place, rather left dangerously leaning against a countertop. In its place, a shadowy figure, squashed neatly into the rectangular slot.

“Coran, what on _earth_ are you doing in there?”  
“I believe, Allura, I am what the kids call ‘lost in the sauce.’”

**Author's Note:**

> Can't even remember what inspired me to write this because I've had it sitting around for almost a year but hey it is what it is


End file.
